Before I continue please allow me to pass on, from me to you, the first rule of roulette. Don’t play roulette! Having said that what follows is my Perth Casino Roulette Adventure.
I’d should also point out I’m not much of a gambler. I dislike gambling and would rather have my nuts dragged over a field of broken glass. Of course once a year I have a bet on the Melbourne Cup because it is Un-Australian if you don’t in this country. But I don’t play slot machines or play poker or many of the other games on offer at Western Australia’s only Casino.
However, my wife loves playing the slot machines and more often than not comes home with far less cash than when she started. Most states & territories in Australia have slot machines at every pub or club and gaining access was easy for us. Simply go out for a pub lunch on a Saturday afternoon and you will be surrounded by a few hundred slot machines. For my wife this was heaven; for me it was hell. I hate them with a passion and would always end up being the bad guy; tapping her shoulder and saying “come on… you’ve been playing for five hours and it’s time we went home.”
Hell becomes heaven in Western Australia
In Western Australia there are no slot machines at pubs or clubs; only casinos have them. WA has just one casino. Heavenly in my opinion. Our first visit to a club in WA was a bowling club and I was shocked at how crappy it was. No alcohol, no slot machines, no nothing. It was simply a club where bowlers gather for an afternoon away from their wives & family. Every club or pub we have visited since was much the same. Obviously pubs have alcohol, so phew for that – but no slot machines. Drinks are more costly in WA too because prices aren’t subsidised by slot machines. Were a West Oz pubs daily take might be $50,000; a NSW equivalent might bring in $90,000 thereby allowing for cheaper drinks in order to attract more patrons who then play the slots.
My wife’s annual birthday Casino trip
It has become a once a year pilgrimage at birthday time. For days leading up to her birthday she is excited and can’t wait to walking the room and hear the mushed up sounds made by 2,000 slot machines and other games.
My younger brother was a big fan of slots and roulette. He had over the years won enormous amounts of money, mostly on roulette. A $40,000 win for him wasn’t unusual and his favourite tip for other players was “you must bet big in order to win big“.
The wife spends much of the year putting a little bit of money aside for her birthday casino trip and somehow manages to come up with thousands of disposable dollars. I guess our diet of baked beans on toast pays off. Wearing the same pair of undies for three years helps too. Her plan is “always come home with more money” in her pocket than she started with; so far that plan has achieved squat.
While she plays, I sit around watching any one of the many televisions or the big screen in the sports bar. I drink beer, eat food and try to amuse myself. I will often do this for anywhere between 4 to 8 hours before I give her the dreaded tap on the shoulder. I hate the shoulder-tap, because it makes me the bad guy, but sometimes “if she keeps playing I’ll be forced to put a bullet in my head”. At this point my sanity is usually at rock bottom.
My introduction to Roulette
In order to stop me standing behind her an moaning about the number of dollars she is transferring into the casino’s bank account, she gives me $100 note and says “go amuse yourself somewhere else!” Which is her polite way of saying “get out of my site before I punch you in the aorta!”
Reluctantly I took the $100 and wandered off wondering what I was going to do. After getting another pint of beer I headed over towards the Electronic Roulette games and watched them for a few minutes. From memory the minimum bet was $2 and the smallest denomination was 50 cents.
Because I’ve been a computer programmer for more than 30 years my programmer brain kicked in and I figured that it was very easy for electronic games to fiddle the results. There is nothing random about a random number generator used in many computer software and therefore the odds could be stacked in favour of the casino more than usual. A live table would be fairer but I lacked the confidence to play with others because I didn’t know what I was doing.
I started very small with the minimum $2 bet and I won. Turned my $2 into $4. I played again, won again; much to my surprise. After increasing my initial $100 to $150 I increased my bet and started losing. My cash dropped back to my original $100. Not being a gambler I couldn’t stand the thought of losing all my money.
I stood up and looked around at the gaming tables and noticed they were grouped in groups of eight. Four players on once side, another four on the other. They were all networked together and the winning number appeared on all of them at the same time. When I originally sat down there were five players playing. When I started losing I was the only one there. My programmer brain took over and I surmised that when other are playing using various numbers across the board then the game logic would likely have to pay someone – but who? Big wagers or small. When only one player is playing it is easy to produce a number I did’t have covered. Some of the other players had between 15 and 20 chips out on various numbers; therefore the chance of at least one player winning was increased. When they left, I was the the lone schmuck betting.
I’m not suggesting the casino are cheat, these thoughts I have are my cynical side coming out.
Roulette Round Two
After a few minutes four more players sat down and I kept an eye on, without being stalker like, what they were betting. They were spreading $2, $5 and $10 bets all over the table. I decided to play again and was betting small amounts on Red/Black or Odd/Even or a favourite of mine 1st & 2nd third. Again I started winning, eventually going back up to $150 at which time I doubled my bet. After 20 more minutes I had $200 in my pocket.
I went back to see my wife, who was actually doing well on the slots (for a change). She asked how I was going and I showed her my $200 ticket – she was pretty happy with that and even happier when I walk away again. I wandered aimlessly around the casino floor for an hour, drank more beer and spoke to several random drunks as they staggered around – freaks.
Eventually I went back to the roulette and started playing, managing to turn my $200 into $400 in about 30 minutes before going to see my wife again.
Side note: One of the random drunks I’d mentioned earlier was chatting up my wife. The look on his face when he realised he had been talking to me earlier! Never saw him again after that. I can’t blame him for trying though, she is a good sort.
She was blown away by my $400 stash because overall I hadn’t played for more than an hour. I took breaks every 30 or 40 minutes and waited an hour before going back for more.
When I did go back I increased my bet again and within a few rounds had $800. Time for another break!
Big bets are a bad idea – don’t be greedy
My purse eventually rose to thousands, which isn’t bad considering I started with a single $100 note. The problem with a winning a lot is that eventually you get cocky and increase your bet. From 50 cents to $1 then $5 etc. Before you know it you are betting $100 each time, satisfied that if you lose you can always reduce your bets again. I increased & decreased a few times but once my kitty was large enough I figured “why not have a few big bets, just in case it pays off” so I put $800 down. I won again and again. But, eventually my luck ran out and I started losing $800 with each bet. It hurts a lot more when you throw away $800 at a time. I tried to recover by betting smaller amounts but to no avail. Slowly my winnings were dwindled down to next to nothing..
The first rule of Roulette is don’t play roulette
My Enlightened advice
The first rule of roulette is not to play at all. Ultimately you cannot win unless you have a plan and stick with it. My personal plan for future visits is take more money. Start with $1,000 and keep your bets small. If you double your money put your original amount in your pocket and leave it there. Play with your winnings; if you lose it all you still have your original cash. Walk away and comeback another day. If, however you doubled your money again put your original winning in your pocket again. By doing that you take home a minimum of twice what you started with.
Never play Double Zero games. These games give an extra edge for the casino, you gain nothing extra should you win. European Roulette has a single zero, whereas American Roulette has two and there is word they will introduce a third making it even more difficult for punters to win.
Set a starting amount and never go over it. If you start with $50 or $1,000 consider that all you have and beyond that there is no more. Do not get cash out of the ATM.
Be strong and never gamble your original purse once you have doubled your cash. If you follow these rules you will always be happy.
Never ever gamble more than you can afford to lose. Only play with money that is surplus to requirements. Far to many people up there are gambling their rent or mortgage money hoping to hit the big one. It never happens!
Update: October 31, 2022 – I want to be a Board Member of Crown Resorts to improve their image.
Update: I have created a site dedicated to roulette, take a look.